What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
