Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
