I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
