What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
