Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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