i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
