Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
