I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
