Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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