Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
