Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
