I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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