i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
