Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
