can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
