well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
