so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
