i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
