People in love make me want to vomit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I currently don't understand fingers.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
