I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
