Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
