So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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