I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
