I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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