Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
