Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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