I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
