An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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