found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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