Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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