There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
