I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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