You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
