Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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