you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
