I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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