so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
