you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
