I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
