If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
