I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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