In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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