Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
