We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
