I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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