I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
