Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
