She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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