I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
