I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
